How Prayer Ministry Made Me Love Jesus More

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him or knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you." John 14:15-21

If you want to love Jesus more, do prayer ministry with others. 

I wish I could succinctly explain my relationship toward prayer and using it to minister to others. So instead of explaining it, I will simply say: It has been my biggest fear and the largest area of discomfort for me as I do ministry with students. It's so weird, because I feel so deeply for and with others, and I am usually pretty confident with words, but I am fearful of praying for others, especially as a form of ministry. I fear I won't receive the right words, or God won't come through, or that it will a disappointment to the person I'm praying with...  So in general I have avoided it, even to the point of praying no student will come up to me and ask for it during a conference or camp. Isn't that pathetic?

Anyway, so being called and invited to do prayer ministry at Urbana 15 (which InterVarsity helps host and is the largest missions conference in the world) and receiving training for it was a blow to the gut I wasn't anticipating. I remember laughing in fear and irony after I hung up the phone, because isn't it just like to God to come and address the areas of brokenness and fear in our lives? That phone call was months ago, and I have been shaking in my boots since then - anticipating the ways my comfort was going to be destroyed in the process of facing some of my deepest spiritual fears. Yet, also... hopeful. Because in all of my years of knowing and following Jesus, he has never led me somewhere too difficult to tread alone and then abandoned me. I have always come through hand-in-hand with him... eventually.

And I did come through, eventually. 

This past week at Prayer Ministry Training was one of the most physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausting and grueling weeks of my life. I mean, I came back with bloodshot eyes and shaking hands and slept for over 15 hours. But never in my life has my heart been so full to bursting with love for Jesus and thankfulness for his good work in me and the world. When I fell for Jesus, I fell completely and beautifully over my head for him... and after this week, I can't believe there is still more room to fall... a lifetime to fall even deeper in love with him. 

The reality is I love Jesus more after this past week of training because one: I did at last face my fears and step fully into learning about how to administer prayer ministry, and what a shock - it wasn't nearly as scary or difficult as I thought. And because two: I gained significant healing in the midst of being the receiver of prayer ministry more than once. But the biggest, most unexpected reason why I love Jesus more and also number three: It has been through doing prayer ministry with others that I have caught the most breathtaking and beautiful glimpses of Jesus I have ever seen in my life. 

My words fail to describe it, but prayer ministry involves going with others into their souls and their places of pain and the center of their fears, their distrust toward God, their most difficult and piercing memories, their darkest moments and most terrible sins... You grab someone's hand, and you say: "I will go with you to that place." And it is hard, tears were shed as I witnessed what evil was committed to people, what fears were consuming, what lies were existing as a block between them and Jesus... And since I am gifted in feeling what others feel, it was very difficult at times to go on. But in those moments, we call out and ask Jesus to reveal himself. We invite him to speak. And we listen.

And what a marvelous thing to stand with someone in that corner of beauty and pain. 

What an incredibly wondrous gift... to watch Jesus love someone else. To watch Jesus enter into that place - to hear his words of love... to see him be a good and perfect Father, to be the friend that never abandons, the comforter that speaks truth and acceptance and healing and encouragement over the lies, and brokenness, and pain we have experienced and afflicted to others. It felt like a precious and special gift, like I was given the chance to catch secret glimpses of two lovers through a window. It affirmed the reality that I have always believed but never truly known... God is Love and Love never fails us. 

As I continued to meet with different people throughout the week, I grew in confidence in prayer ministry. Not because I felt like I was skilled and able to do it (though the training did certainly equip me) but the reason I felt this way is because I realized it isn't about me at all. I only help create the space for someone to meet Jesus, and he always comes to us. It is not my responsibility to speak the right words, because Jesus knows the words he longs to say, and he speaks them to our souls. I don't need to worry about God coming through, because our Father longs to communicate his love and his might and his truth to us, we need only open ourselves up and let him.

Truly our hearts were made for him. 

I have forever been changed by doing prayer ministry, and I can't wait to engage others with it for the rest of my life. Witnessing the glory and love of God for others has made me fall more deeply in love with the God Who Comes to Us. Sharing in the pain and beauty of other's heartbreak and victory has revealed more to me about our God-like image and more about the goodness of God's Kingdom - where he wipes away all tears, takes away all brokenness, shines light on all darkness, removes all pain, reconciles all peoples, and builds his Kingdom on truth, righteousness, Shalom, justice, love and praise for his name. 

Prayer ministry really is a glimpse through Heaven's gates. 

And imagine if fear kept me from walking through. 

Thank you, loving Father.
You always come. You always restore.

You hold us tenderly in that corner of beauty and pain. 

____

It's ironic because I have received some truly transformative and healing interactions with Jesus through prayer ministry. In fact, the first time I did was in Wisconsin during my ONS (Orientation for New Staff) in 2013. Little did I know that two years later I would be in the same place, during the same time, helping others receive transformation and healing with Jesus. What an amazing God I know and love. You can read some of that here and here.