Hope For When A Quarter-Life Crisis Strikes

The other night, a few friends and I were hanging out at my place and discussing all matters of life. In this conversation, it suddenly occurred to me that I would be turning 25 this year. My heart began to race as my stomach dropped - this can't be happening... 25 is as close to 30 as it is to 20! I can't really be an adult yet... I mean, I'm not even married! Aren't you only an adult if you're married?? What have I really done with my life so far? Have I accomplished anything of value!? I mean, my dad still has to pay for my car insurance... I am still in the nest! I don't want to fly away! STOP TIME, STOP MOVING FORWARD!

I had a miniature quarter life crisis, I guess.

A few days later, I sat down to process what I was feeling in the midst of that complete psychological breakdown. And I realized: It has been nearly five years since I turned 20 years old. Five years of my life where I was living away from my parents, sorting out my own life, with freedom to do whatever my heart desired... and in all those five years... what had I really done?

If one were to measure the worth of my life - what great strives or accomplishments I have made in the past five years, I don't think anyone would be impressed.

What do I have to show for financial gains? Vocational success? Relational progress? I never traveled the world on a post-grad backpacking trip. I haven't figured out how health insurance works or how to maintain great credit or how to consistently mow the yard. I didn't go get my Masters and find an excellent, well paying job serving the underprivileged of our society as my undergrad degree prepared me for. I didn't find love in a hopeless place and settle down in a nice house in a good part of town. I haven't saved any lives recently, I haven't gotten anything published, I haven't had the starring role in any theatre productions...

So what have I done? Do the past five years of my life have any value at all?

It was truly a very depressing time of self-absorption and personal reflection. And honestly, since that event, I have been feeling very uneasy and even sickly. It was as if mortality, the weight of death and brokenness and hopelessness set in to remind me life is a whisper, and I was failing to make the most of it. I believe many of us can resonate with this. We all taste and desire that hope of greatness - we want our lives to matter. We all know life is passing - here in this moment, then gone away forever. We long for something, that in many cases, will never be satisfied.

But last night, Jesus stripped the scales from my eyes. Up to this moment, I was seeing my life and it's value through the lens of the world- the lens that says it is the money you make, the job you have, the martial status you live in, the adventures you take, the greatness you aspire to... it is this that makes you who you are and gives your life value. And through this lens, the past five years of my life may seem like a meaningless waste of time. However, the good and loving work of Jesus in my life was his tender stripping away of this lens, that I could look at my life and see it as Jesus sees it:

My life has value because Jesus has given it immeasurable value. 

I may not have a ton of money, and I may not be ascending the ranks of a prestigious job, and I may just have a bachelors degree, and I may not have seen all the world... but six years ago I decided to follow Jesus, and that.... it changed everything.

I believe it is in the acts of loving obedience... it is in the "yes" we offer up to Jesus even when we are only able to muster a whisper... it is in the trust we place in his hands even when we are desperate for more... it is in the times we try even though we are terrified, and we try and fail, and we try and mess it all up... it is in the moments of victory and in the moments when he feels so close that we are brought to our knees in adoration and praise... it is when we learn to cry "Abba, Father" as we make our way back home to him... it is in the times of clarity and the times of confusion... it is in the tears we cry before him because we just don't understand... it is in the prayers we pray even when hope seems lost... It is this: in our simple, everyday, seemingly insignificant decisions to follow Jesus, to love him, to know him... it is in this that we find our lives have remarkable value.

And it is in this: 

We met our students last night for our weekly gathering and taught them to share the Gospel. I wiped tears from eyes as I watched over them... a sense of God's pleasure over me filled my being. 

 We may not have a hundred students in our fellowship. We may only have ten. We may not have raised all of the money we need to be on campus full-time. We may only be 50% funded. We may not be the best teachers, best trainers, best evangelists, best speakers... in fact, we may be pretty bad at it sometimes. We may scare students off with our loud personalities, we may struggle to do follow-up well, we may only have four students show up to our summer small group every week.

But this is my life. This is what I offer up to Jesus. Every day learning and growing and striving to love him better than I did the day before. Taking risks, learning to trust him, spending some days weeping because I just don't have it figured out, and I am horrible at ministry, and I fail at everything I try... Believing that he will complete the good work he has started in me and Georgia Tech. Rejoicing in the little victories that speak to God's power and faithfulness, not to my skill or charisma. Resting in the knowledge that I am wholly loved, treasured, and valued by the One That Calls Me His Own.

I celebrate what God has done in me these past five years. I celebrate that though it be little, there is now InterVarsity at Georgia Tech/ME when it wasn't there before. I celebrate that God has given us a precious gift... a deeper knowledge and love of him as we struggle to follow him as apostles of his ministry and as his Beloved children. I celebrate in knowing that my life is valued and treasured and pleasing to the Father regardless of how successful I seem to the world. I celebrate in knowing he whispers, "Well done," even if my work seems insignificant to everyone else.

And I celebrate that because Morgan and I decided to trust and follow Jesus, even if it meant giving up worldly success, students at Georgia Tech will be changed just as our own lives were changed by others that decided Jesus' call was worth everything. 

GT students at weekly leadership meeting.

Teaching students how to share the Gospel on campus.

Students practicing their Gospel sharing.

I am now realizing, however, that Jesus... his Kingdom... his Good News... it is folly to the world, but it is hope for me. And it is satisfaction for me. There still may be the sting of incompleteness, it will be there until the world is made right again, but tucked away in the secret, mysterious reality of what I gave my life to - I can say with honesty and integrity, these past five years have not been in vain.