Do I Really Have to Raise Support?

I'll admit, the whole "Ministry Partnership Development" (raising support through partnership to fund InterVarsity at Georgia Tech - aka MDP) has been an incredibly frustrating, emotionally and spiritually turbulent, disappointing and amazing experience so far... though it more often errs on the difficult, disappointing end. That is probably because I still have several mental and relational blockages that are keeping me from taking the risk of actually asking for my friend's and family's and network's support. I just keep hoping 50k will be dumped into my online account. Yeah... that is probably not going to happen.

And really... it shouldn't happen. It shouldn't happen because this is an experience that I am called into - this is an incredible form of ministry that God has delighted in inviting me to take part of it. You see, if every cent I needed just miraculously appeared in my donation tracking report, then I would have missed out on all of the incredible experiences of relational ministry and God's provision and faithfulness.

MPD is a process of invitation, investment, inclusion, and celebration. It begins with an amazing vision -  a dream of seeing hundreds of students at Georgia Tech encounter Jesus through large group meetings, Bible studies and missional communities, conferences, trainings, evangelical outreach, mission experiences, and prayer. A vision to see every corner of campus reached for the Gospel.

This vision is a part of God's plan for bringing his Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven, and when I get the chance to meet with someone to discuss partnering with InterVarsity, I am extending an invitation for that person to utilize their resources, prayers, and time to see this vision happen.

When that person, family, church, organization commits to giving away these resources to this vision, they are now investing in God's mission in the world - his mission at Georgia Tech. This is an amazing way to be obedient to God's call on our lives to make disciples of all nations. And all investments through time, prayer, and money are seeds that sown on the soil of Georgia Tech and through God's faithfulness - fruit and flowers and trees will blossom in every corner of campus.

That investment means they are now included in the force that is coming together to see this vision happen. They are partnering with my team, IVCF, and God in an incredibly powerful and relational force that could change the world. I don't believe support raising should mean taking someone's money, and never speaking again - it should be an ongoing process of relationship, communication, and care because every gift of prayer, time, and money means that person has a level of ownership over the harvest that is reaped at Georgia Tech.

And of course, this means that together as a relational partnership team - we can celebrate together the wonderful things that God is doing, even now, on campus. We can delight in the achievements that were made possible through God and partnership contributions. We can joyfully praise God for the ways he is remaining faithful to see his vision come to life and Georgia Tech and on campuses all throughout Atlanta and the world.

It is an amazing process... one that I have been afraid of for so long because of my fears of rejection, asking for money, hurting relationships, and failure. But each day I desire more and more to have a team of supporters that I can invite to invest in relational ministry of seeing students come to follow Jesus so that we can celebrate God's faithfulness.

So do I really have to raise support?
Yes.
Is it sometimes difficult, painful, awkward, disappointing?
Yes.
But will it be worth it when we see missional communities awaken in every corner of Georgia Tech?

Definitely yes.

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If you are interested in being one of these partners that joins God and IVCF in reaching every corner of campus, please feel free to contact me. That information can be found in the link above. You can also subscribe to receive prayer needs and updates at the right hand side of the page or make a tax deductible gift to InterVarsity at Georgia Tech by clicking this link. (click)

The Valley

It is one in the morning, and I can't sleep.

I am so incredibly tired, but my mind and heart are keeping me awake. I can't seem to rest -- I can't seem to feel peace or joy or any of those things that people way more spiritual than I am say I should be feeling. Instead, I only feel incredibly tired… and lost. I am lost because I am at a place I never thought I would be in. I literally feel like I have no control over what is happening to me, and I am grieving the loss of so many things - my dreams and my hopes for the future…

You see, I had always imagined that following Jesus would be filled with blessings. And it is, don't get me wrong. But not a lot of people are willing to tell you about the suffering that comes along with it. No one really says that the road can get bumpy along the way before you sign up. There are whole pages of the New Testament where Jesus explicitly lays out these realities of suffering and pain tied to following him, but I must have skipped over those in my early years of knowing him.

But now… now I feel the pain.

I feel the uncertainty of not knowing if everything is going to work out in the end. I feel the fear and confusion that rises when I wonder if I was really cut out for all of this. I feel the emptiness that is caused when close relationships change, shift, or end. I feel the open wounds left by dreams and hopes that will never come to be. Every day I follow Jesus, one more piece of my former self is chipped away, and this process is incredibly painful...

…but it is worth it.

I am in a place of transition. I have graduated college, accepted a call to take part in Jesus' mission through InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, had to deal with my relationship of 2 1/2 years ending, and now I am facing this huge crevice of needing to fundraise and provide for my needs and sometimes it seems too wide to jump. And it is really hard. It is all happening at once. And there are nights, like tonight, where I cry out to God and beg him to pull me out of this mess. I beg him to fix it - to snap his gigantic fingers and make it all go away. I don't want this to happen - I never asked for this!

The pain doesn't go away, but in that moment of deep desperation and hopelessness, God never fails to whisper: "Don't give up. I am with you."

This time is difficult for a reason. I am starting to believe that it is in these moments of suffering, uncertainty, fear, confusion, pain, hopelessness, loss, and transition that God tucks us closer to his heart, like a hen nestles her chicks under her wings. I think it is because it is in moments like these that I truly see, feel, and experience my incredible need for God. I can't tackle the world on my own. I can't do the things he has called me to by myself. I can't fix broken relationships. I can't raise 50,000 dollars alone. I can't plant a new ministry solo. Heck, I can't hold myself together through the first five minutes of Finding Nemo!

But Jesus… he can.

I am learning to trust. I am learning to have faith… not just in God… but in the belief that in the darkest hour - in the place where I fear if I am going to make it, jump that crevice, heal from this broken heart, start something new - that God WILL be with me. And he will bring me through it. ABUNDANTLY.

Thanks be to God for the pain I feel now. Thanks be to God for the ways he is shaping me through suffering. Thanks be to God for the valley I am walking in. And thanks be to God that even in this sleepless night, he will never leave me.