Time, My Old Friend

A beautiful view from first intentional retreat of silence. 

This year has been quite a time of growth, self-revelation, and challenge. I have been faced with some of the greatest things about me - my passions, my talents, my strengths... all of these things have been awakened by stepping into full-time vocational ministry with college students. I feel more alive than I ever have before - there is great joy to be found walking in one's purpose. 

All that beings said, I have also come face to face with many of my darkest places. The dusty corners of my soul have been more imposing than ever - weaknesses, fears, laziness... all these things have reared their ugly heads at different points within this one year of ministry. I could spend days and days writing about some of the ways these things have impacted me this past year, and the ways that I believe God is working alongside me to address them, but I want to focus on one issue that has been particularly difficult to overcome.

Time. 

Yes, that flighty mistress. Time is one of the forces we all experience and cannot escape from, and it is measure by which we can order the moments of our lives to put our passions, our skills, even our very selves to the best use. Scripture says: "So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalms 90:12)

So what has time been for me? The short answer... a hot mess. I have never been a left-brain, type-A, or J (Myers Briggs) sort of person. I am very much go with the flow. Unless an event has been set in stone (an even then, it is never really set in stone) through verbal or virtual confirmation, I never make plans. I wake up, and the first thing I think is... "Okay, what now?" So much of my life is spur of the moment. Nothing bothers me more than agendas... planners... schedules... Google calendar... nothing feels more inhibiting than a daily structured routine.

This worked well for me in college, I was able to avoid planning my time and get away with it, but transitioning into full-time ministry has proved to be an entirely different story. My spontaneous habits have proven to be positive in many ways... I am not deterred when things don't go as planned, for instance. I am able to switch plans up at a moment's notice, and I can jive well with college student's unconventional sense of time. However, it is has proven to be a major hinderance to my professional and spiritual development. How has this affected me? Glad you asked.

Being a full-time campus minister means splitting my work time between fundraising and networking to develop possible partnerships, meeting students and discipling students on campus, preparing Scripture, events, discipleship cycles, etc. to use on campus with students, completing all the administrative activities that keep my team well informed on what is going on with campus, and enjoying an intimate relationship with God and working alongside him in his mission on campus. Hardly any of these things is structured in a 9-5pm sense - the majority of the time, I am responsible for structuring these activities into my weekly work schedule.

Surprise... my old methods of using time have been entirely unsuccessful at accomplishing these things each week. And as weeks would go by, and I would look reflect on time gone by... sometimes I would wonder how I managed to let time completely pass me by without achieving anything of value. God's rebuke over my misuse of time can be a difficult thing to hear, but it is filled with kindness and hope. Hope that his power and strength can transform even the most stubborn habits in our lives - hope that he can make all things new.

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And so my friends, I present a to-do list/goals/a strategic plan (I hate all three of those words) to help me begin the process of reordering my time in a way that puts me in the best position to work with my strengths and achieve my mission:

1. Create a weekly schedule before the week actually happens. 

This involves carefully planning out when are the best times to complete certain activities (working out, down time, preparing food, showering, etc) around set priorities (blocks of time devoted to working on the aforementioned obligations). This may require denying invitations to take part in something super fun so that I can complete the goals on my schedule - but sacrifice often brings about a deeper sense of reward and fruitfulness especially in ministry.

2. Have a set bed time and wake up time. 

That was my least favorite thing I have ever typed, but in order to develop a healthy lifestyle and routine, one most set aside enough hours for rest at a reasonable part of the day. Obviously, circumstances are varying - especially with the college students I work with. That aside, I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour so I can focus as much day time energy as possible on my job and my relationships.

3. Set aside intentional space and time to commune with God.

This is a hard one for me, as I tend to slide this into the occasional spaces of freedom I have in my current by-the-moment time frame. Life in God requires meeting with God, developing intimacy with him, listening to him, and learning from him. Like any relationship, this demands an intentionality and a setting aside of all other distractions to devote oneself completely to the process of friendship. I seek to permanently set a time each morning to commune with God unless things arise that are absolutely urgent. I long to begin each day in him and spend each day with him, and this can be extremely difficult when I don't even make the time for him in my schedule. And clearly, the vocation I have given myself to is led by God - therefore, I must learn to hear his voice in everyday actions.

4. Learn to be alone. 

I have a really horrible habit of never being alone. I can't stand solitude so I fill every waking moment with people or activities or I'll completely zone out on something to distract me from feeling alone. Solitude and silence are two very important spiritual disciplines that help us grow in our understand of self and our relationship with God, and I believe that I am missing out on myself and the beauty of myself when I avoid... myself. (Horrible sentence structure, am I right?) I plan on responding to this issue by carving out space each week to spend alone doing work, praying on campus, retreating with a spiritual book, enjoying coffee while I create ministry updates, etc. I have a sneaking suspicion that as time goes by, I will need to create more space especially in the evenings to be alone - but for the time being, I am going to take baby steps. You know, one small step for man kind of thing.

~

I would love for you to pray for me as I seek to number my days and gain a heart of wisdom.