A New Thing

Today I sat in my car, and I cried.

I wasn't trying to be dramatic, but I often am. I cried tears of thankfulness - gladness radiating in my heart for all that Christ has done in me this past year. It has been exactly a year since I have been provisionally appointed with InterVarsity, and in that time, I have faced many challenges, learned many things, and developed many skills for my staff life. In seven months, God used many of you to come together and partner with the ministry, bringing in nearly 70% of my budget and allowing me to spend part of my time cultivating this ministry on campus. It has been an amazing year.

But I also wept because I was sad. I lamented all the moments I didn't give my all to Jesus and his calling. I felt guilt and shame for allowing fear to control me many times over the past year - paralyzing me and keeping me from taking risks that could have had a lasting Kingdom impact. I wept for all the times I backed out on asking the tough questions. I wept for not asking some people to sow eternal-investments in this ministry. I wept for all the times I choose to stay in my warm room instead of rising to the challenge. I wept for every idol I let take over - for every day I tried to do it alone - for not depending on Jesus. And I wept for what was lost... for what could have been if I tried harder. If I worked harder. If I prayed harder.

My spirit kept whispering: 'I failed. I failed. I failed.'

~

As I was driving, the rain washing away the pollen that had accumulated on my car, I noticed how green everything had become. The once barren trees - stripped of all signs of life - had sprouted vibrant, green leaves that bounced as drops of rain fell upon them. White flowers, pink flowers, purple flowers, yellow flowers - they sprang up as if out of nowhere. They covered the side lines of the streets, bloomed in front of neighborhoods, smiled in my front yard. Spring is coming, and Spring is here.

In that moment, God's voice surfaced in my heart.

And he kept whispering: 'See? I am doing a new thing. I am doing a new thing in you.'

~

This is a cheesy post, I realize. But today, God reminded me that I am human. I mess up. I make mistakes. I let laziness take over, and I sometimes shrink back from taking big risks. But I am also loved. I cry in the car when things get hard - when I face my depravity. I cry out when I recognize that I have been trying to make it on my own, forgoing the trustworthy guidance of God. But I am also loved.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19

I am so loved that God takes my brokenness and turns into something beautiful, something new. He doesn't see hopelessness when he looks at me - he doesn't see a basket case - he doesn't look on with disappointment: Couldn't she has tried harder? Couldn't she have just trusted me?

These aren't God's words over me.

He sees the all the days of life. He sees a new thing - a new creation. Loveliness. I believe my soul sings a sweet melody to him. And I look forward to an ever deepening relationship with him - and I look forward to all that he is going to do at Georgia Tech and in the Georgia area. I look forward to sharing this love - perfect Love - with the students at Georgia Tech.

May we celebrate Spring, and all the new things that God is doing in our lives and around the world!