Staying

China Town, Bangkok, Thailand - 2011

My whole life I dreamed of wandering the corners of the earth. I dreamed of out getting out of Georgia. I dreamed of living in big cities and small, rural towns all around the world just constantly on the move. I never dreamed that five years after high school I would still be living in Georgia and less than an hour away from where I began my life.

When I was applying for college, distance was the key. I applied to NYU, University of Alaska Fairbanks, even a school in Egypt. I wasn't running away from anything, it was more like I was running towards something - adventure, delightful discomfort, beauty... And I was disappointed when the circumstances of life kept me in-state at a school located in the heart of downtown Atlanta. The goal was always to transfer out when life was more manageable, but something prevented that from happening again.

And that was InterVarsity.

I encountered InterVarsity just a month into my freshman year. I was struggling with the loneliness and confusion about where I belonged on campus. The reality that life doesn't always exist in the ways we most prefer was a little too much for me, and I quickly understood that "shooting for your dreams" was a lot more difficult that movies and teachers and parents had made it seem. In a very real sense, I felt entirely purposeless. My thought process: If I am not off traveling and exploring and writing then what point is there to this time in my life? I guess I will get through these next four years to appease society and then life will begin the moment I can escape from this place at last.

And then there was InterVarsity.

During my first encounter with InterVarsity, I was presented with a choice. I could continue coasting throughout my college years and my faith with relative ease and then move onto "real life" - or - or... I could believe that Jesus has something more for me. I could believe that I am at Georgia State for a reason - that it was no mistake that I ended up here. I was challenged to consider if in the midst of my disappointment with my life that there was in fact... a purpose.

The shores of Ca Ira, Haiti - 2010

I ended up staying at Georgia State for the next four years. I did end up seeing some of the world, but I also found adventure, delightful discomfort, and beauty in the everyday actions of being a college student. I saw friends step into faith in Jesus. I saw new exciting things begin in unreached parts of campus. I saw a riley group of 20 year olds demand justice and proclaim the Gospel in with fervor and passion. I saw so much... I experienced so much... I truly, truly lived.

You can imagine that when graduation rolled around, and I realized that God was inviting me to trust him, that I became nervous. You can imagine that when he called me to InterVarsity, and asked me to stay in Atlanta to start a brand new ministry at a prestigious university only five minutes away from my last one, that I became quite disappointed. You can imagine that as bills began to come in and three year commitments were considered that I became acutely aware of the fact that each day here made it more difficult to leave. Once again, reality can be such a heavy weight to carry.

What happens when God asks you stay? What happens when he asks you to plant - to plant yourself and all your dreams and hopes into the soil on which you currently stand? What happens when he invites you to grow your roots deep into the very place you were trying to leave? What happens when obedience means choosing to deny our own very real desires? What happens when Matthew 16 becomes real to us: "The Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it..."

Finding my life in Georgia soil. - 2014. 

Maybe what happens is this: we grow. We drink deeply from the very soil we were planted in. We stretch out our arms wide. We dance in the sun. We bear fruit - delicious, ripe, and colorful for all to enjoy.

I don't know much, but I do know the verse doesn't end there, it ends with: "...and whoever loses his life will find it." There is something beautiful in The Choice. That great, powerful, and difficult moment when we muster all our courage and say: "Lord, I didn't want this. I was hoping to be somewhere in eastern China by now, and I must admit... staying in Atlanta for the next years is a terrifying thought, I don't want to get trapped here... but I trust you. I love you. I believe in your purpose for my life. I choose you above all other loves and your purpose above all other dreams."

Sometimes The Choice is to go - to go to the places you are so scared of going. Maybe a country where there is terrible war, danger, and destruction or where the language is unfamiliar or the food strange. Maybe it means sending your children to an underprivileged school so you can grow relationships with your neighbors. Maybe it means leaving behind a well paying job to go a share the Gospel with college students in your city.

But sometimes The Choice is to stay.

Though it be difficult, I choose to stay. I choose to believe in God's purpose for me. I choose to grow deeply here - to devote myself to my city and to promote God's shalom here. I choose to care for the college students on the dozens of campuses in this city. I choose to give at least three years of my life to Georgia Tech, a college culture that is highly different from the one I came from. I choose to love my community well. I choose to stay.

I choose to stay.